i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
