at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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