Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
