do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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