we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
