is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
