wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
