Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
