would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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