It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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