i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
