Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
