You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
