can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
