Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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