we made out on top of his cat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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