I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
