masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
