just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
