i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
