Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
