Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
