She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
