I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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