Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
