no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So many bounce houses so little time
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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