you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
