Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
