yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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