i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
