Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
