: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
