Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
