I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
