I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
