I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
