Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
