Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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