If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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