Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
