Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
