I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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