why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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