are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
