if you like me you must not know who I am
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
