I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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