soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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