Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
