last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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