also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i barfeds in our rink
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
