As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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