she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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